An evening with Maya Angelou

Tonight was absolutely perfect. My friend Julie came up, and I think she was even more excited to meet her than I was.
We got to the forum and Julie says, hang on, before you get out of the car, I have something for you- I said, it's not going to make me cry is it?? She said I hope not! It is called a "journey bracelet" and it's absolutely gorgeous. It's got a heart-shaped charm about the size of a locket, and in the charm, there's four diamonds, one each for Me, Doug, Natalya and Margaret. She had the letter "M" engraved on the charm, she said "It's for Mother, Margaret and Maya". She said she didn't want me to thank her because she felt like she had to get it for me, that I was somehow supposed to have it and it just came to me through her.

Not cry. HA! I will try to take a pic and post it a bit later.

Then we got in and after some time, we went back to the VIP area and then Dr. Angelou came in. We all introduced ourselves, and the newspaper photographer was allowed to take photos of each of us shaking her hand. We are going to get copies of the photos. When I was doing the radio interview, I was asked what questions I wanted to ask her. I told the reporter that I didn't have any questions for her because she has already told us everything. Her life is an open book, literally. I just wanted to thank her. She is such an inspiration and I wanted to thank her for everything she has given, and continues to give. So I did that exactly. It was very surreal. We were also given copies of her book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, the hardback. In it, she signed
"Brandy Kincaid
Joy
Maya Angelou"

Totally priceless.

The whole thing was amazing. I had forgotten what an inspiration she truly is, her words, her voice, her presence. She is an amazing woman and I am honored to have met her.

At one point during her "talk" I did start crying. Julie passed me a tissue and the woman in front of me, who had read my piece, reached back and held my hand. After the presentation (or whatever you call it) was done, she gave me a big hug. It was very sweet.

I just cannot believe what a wise woman Dr. Angelou truly is, and how simply awed I am to have been in her presence, and horrified that the world almost didn't get to experience her.

The ironic thing is, this has inspired me to start writing again. Ironic since writing a winning essay is what got me there to begin with.

2 years and 2 months

I am totally surprised every day by how good Natalya's vocabulary is. Her sentence structure, word choice and correct usage of pronouns blows my mind. Today we were brushing our teeth and some water sprayed on her hand, which was on the sink. She lifted her hand, looked at it and said "Hey! You spit on me!" Haha. I apologized even though it wasn't me. ;) She uses the words "me" and "you" correctly 90% of the time.

For some reason I have a sinking feeling in my stomach today. One of my Mom friends was due yesterday and she was having some regular contractions last night and lost her plug. We think she may be having her little one today. I am so excited for her but I suddenly got this ache deep in my stomach. I hope and pray everything is ok with her and my feelings are related to my own loss, and not something going on with her or her son. I knew this day would be difficult because being due in September, we shared our pregnancy up until I lost Margaret. She found out she was pregnant several weeks after I did and we've been riding the roller coaster together. I can't help but think I should have a three week old baby right now and be sharing the joys of having a newborn with her.

Donna, I love you honey, and I hope you're having an easy delviery and a healthy happy baby boy will be joining us soon.

My entry was printed in Sunday's Rome paper

Here's the article and photo video of the contest...
Main story:
http://news.mywebpal.com/partners/68...ews840189.html

link to individual entries/videos:
http://news.mywebpal.com/news_tool_v...tomPageID=3506

Natalya is doing much better- the spots are going away, you have to look really close to see the ones on her arms and legs and the ones on her face and chest/back are there, but much lighter. Yahoo!!
Today was swimming class. She is getting much braver! She likes to jump off into my arms and once, when I was a little far away and not quite prepared, she went all the way under unexpectedly. She popped up and said, "Mommy, I'm like a duck!!"
Then she kept telling me "Natalya's like a fish!" when she was swimming, of which she was doing very well. She had two pool noodles under her arms and was holding hierself up all by herself- the lifeguard and I were standing next to her, but we weren't holding her, she was just kicking and paddling away!! I was so pround of her!!

The rash...part 3

Natalya is looking much better now! I ended up taking her back to the dr yesterday to ask them if there was something they could give her, or if there was something I could get to put on it because it was so much worse. Her face was swollen and so red I was concerned her eyes and/or airway would be affected. The dr gave her some prednisone (which she HATES, even the promise of m&m's won't work for this nasty stuff- I put it in, she spits it out) and after getting a dose in her before her nap today, she woke up nearly three hours later and it looked so much better already! So. Moral of the story? No more 'cillin drugs for Natalya.

The detox process

I guess we're in the "worse" part of "It's going to get worse before it gets better!
Poor girl!! Luckily it doesn't seem to bother her much. Except the ones on her face- they're warm and raised so she's fascinated and has been rubbing and scratching at them! ACK! I've tried every type of cream I can think of and some natural remedies and nothing has helped.

My radio interview

I am going to be interviewed Monday by Georgia Public Broadcasting for a radio interview about the winners of the contest. Not sure if they're going to do a show on all of us, or just have quotes from me. Cool. More to come later.

Natalya's in detox

Sort of. :) She has had an allergic reaction to the amoxicillin she was on for her ear infection. She started breaking out in red spots yesterday and by this morning she was covered head-to-foot. I took her to the dr, just to make sure it wasn't something more sinister like rubella, which I am not very familiar with, but he said he thinks while it could be viral, he suspects a reaction to the antibiotic.
Her nose is running like a faucet and she's sneezing like crazy, and she is covered in tiny little bumps. She doesn't seem to be itchy though which is good. She does, however, seem to be a little cranky! I guess I can't blame her too much considering her physical state. A good friend of mine said her body is in "detox" trying to remove all the junk and one of the ways the body does that is by "pushing out" the bad stuff. Hence the raised rash. AHA!! A lightbulb! She suggested baking soda baths and even trying to coax her into taking baking soda internally, a little at a time, mixed with juice, to help it out faster.
I mixed some with apple juice and told her if she drank it she could have some m&m's. She took a big swig and said, Mommy, I don't like it! I did some more coaxing and wheedling and got about half of the juice into her. So some is better than none I guess. We'll do the baking soda bath later.
My poor girl!!On the other hand, my friend tells me that her system seems to be very good at detoxing itself of the junk (remember the seizures?) so that is a good thing. She's got a pretty good immune system, I'll say that much.

Dare I hope?

Dare I even hope the dark cloud is lifting?? We had a wonderful day yesterday (except for some sleep patterns being completely off and an incident involving my bare foot and a pile of dog poop, but we won't talk about that right now). There was the news I won the writing contest, then I found out Doug is getting a promotion, more money- YAY! And I have a line on the PERFECT job in Clarksville- I just have to get up there so I can get started. It was going great!
I talked to my grandmother this morning, and she said that my cousin started a job yesterday, and so far so good :) and my brother was hired and starts a new job tomorrow. YAHOO!!

Time to play the lottery. ;)

And, the picture, well, that's just for smiles.

I feel like the Dad in the movie A Christmas Story - I WON!! I WON!!!

This has been super happy day!!!

I entered a local writing contest here recently and I just got a call from the editor of the paper- I WON!!! I get to meet Maya Angelou!!! I am SO EXCITED!!!

This was the contest:

One Book 2007 Writing Contest
Deadline: September 1st 2007
Contest Guidlines:
Since it was first published in 1969, Maya Angelou's " I know why the Caged Bird Sings" has remained a favorite of readers of all ages and backgrounds.
In 500 words or less, reflect on what the book has meant to you. Entries may be prose or poetry. They will be judged on originality as well quality of writing.
Student contest: Students from Rome and Floyd County public and private schools are eligible to compete. A winner will be chosen from each school-Plus one high school level home school student. Community Contest: All citizens of Rome and Floyd County are eligible. Two winners will be selected.

Here's my winning entry... it gets printed in the paper on Sunday and the editor said they are considering having the winners also read aloud their winning essays so they can have them online since Angelou is known for reading her work aloud.

Anyway, here it is:

Maya Angelou’s I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings is probably the first book of real significance I can remember reading. A voracious reader, I have read many novels, both those of literary acclaim, and those just for fun, but this one is one of the first few I can still remember feeling emotional highs and lows while reading.
As a mother myself, I now understand better the end of the book, appreciating the true depth of emotion that comes with having a child that is solely dependent upon you. But more than that, this book is about triumph. Triumph of the human spirit over adversity beyond anything you could possibly imagine ever having to go through. And it is that triumph that I have been holding onto with all my will and might over the last eight weeks.
Eight weeks ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 9 weeks early. Weighing 5 pounds and 3 ounces, and 16 inches long, my baby girl was perfect in every way, except she was born still. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wonder why my daughter was taken from me. There are days that my two-year old daughter kisses my belly and says, “Mommy, when baby being born?” and I hold back tears and try to explain that the baby is gone away, that instead of having a sister here with us, my daughter has a sister that’s an angel. She is too young to understand all of this, but she accepts my explanations and we move on to the next item of interest to her two-year-old brain. Caged Bird is a book that reminds me that the human spirit has the will to overcome anything. Time and time again we hear of those stories, women who, like Angelou, have survived degradation and abuse and then gone on to create unimagined beauty. Stories like those of Aron Ralston, who cut off his arm rather than die alone in a cave, pinned in by a boulder.
It is these stories, and the light that my two year old daughter brings to my life that help me get through each day.
What does Caged Bird mean to me you ask? It means hope. Hope that one day I won’t hurt so much; that my arms won’t ache to hold a baby I will never again see. Hope that each day I have the strength to be the Mom that is an honor to both my daughters lives, both the one I hold onto and kiss and hug each day, and the one whose only memories I have are of a painful birth and holding her warm weight in my arms for a half an hour. I treasure writers who have the courage to put their desperation and found hope into words so that people like myself can hold onto it tight and know that it can happen to us too.

A swimming picture

I finally got some uploaded that Doug took on Tuesday. This is me blowing in Natalya's face. :) Yes, there is a reason for that.

Natalya's first ear infection, 399 ounces of breastmilk and one keyboard

There was keyboard drama in our house and so I haven't posted in several days. Keyboard drama consisted of the following, Natalya, my elbow and a beverage all coming in contact, resulting in beverage getting dumped into the keyboard. So, I stole Doug's keyboard and then he came home and we were passing the keyboard back and forth until we borrowed an extra from his sister. This was after much whining and complaining on my part.

This has been a crazy few days. Natalya has been tugging at her ears but when asked if they hurt, she said no, she didn't have a fever and there wasn't and strange smells coming from them, so I didn't think she had an infection. Monday night I noticed she had some congestion, as did I and Doug.

Tuesday morning we got up at 5:30, drove Doug to pick up his truck, then turned around after 3/4 of a trip after finding out it wasn't ready yet. We took Natalya to her swimming class and she had a blast. She was not keen on getting water in her ears though, and at one point, she had her head on my shoulder and I smelled her ear and it did not smell very good so I took her to urgent care that afternoon. Sure enough, she has ear infections in both ears. Fluid and swelling/redness. Poor baby. We went to go get her antibiotic and decongestant and I told her we were getting medicine to make her ears all better, she said, "ears hurt mama, in there"- and pointed in her ears. I asked her why she didn't tell me that before!
After I gave her the medicine, proclaimed "yucky" and when I said, "is it good?" she said, "NO!" And I said, "but it's going to make your ears all better", so after a minute she thought about it and said, "but mommy? I want medicine to make ears all better!" and picked the bottle back up and looked at it. . . I guess she thought it was going to make them better right away.

After an even worse round of shoving medicine in her earlier today she took it readily this evening before bed, after me commenting how yummy it was, and how it matched her pajamas and I don't even know what all. :) She said "Medicine make my ears better, right?" After I confirmed it, she took the rest without too much compaining.

Several weeks ago I got a letter from the milkbank thanking them for my donation of 399 ounces of breastmilk. By my estimation, that is enough milk to feed a newborn for approximately one month, so I feel pretty good about that. I would have liked to have done more, but I think what I was able to do was better than nothing. I am going to put the letter in Margaret's memory box since I did it to honor her memory.

Darn you Susan!

Because you made me cry with this, I have to share it with everyone else.

From icaught:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTVJonfmUas"

The Woodchuck returns

He's been sighted several more times. Apparently he enjoys snacking on something in our yard. Today I was taking a shower and Natalya comes in the room to tell me something that I don't totally understand. I think she's saying poop in the floor, and she's looking at me like, no, that is NOT what I am talking about. Finally I figure it out "Porcupine at the door" So she says, "come look mama!" Sure enough, there he is, munching on some grass or bugs or some other tasty item. He reappeared this evening and I got some pics and video, he was too far away to get really good ones, but I'm hoping he'll come back closer to the house. ;)

I am the luckiest woman on this planet

I never thought I'd be saying that- especially lately, but I am truly lucky indeed to have such a wonderful family and friends, and I don't show them appreciation nearly enough.
My family stands behind me and supports me no matter what crazy thing is happening. And they are stuck with me ;)

My friends on the other hand, choose to be friends with me and they are an incredible group of women and men. Several of my friends I have known since childhood (holy cow, has it really been over 20 years!?) and they are always there for me- they might as well be siblings ;).

Then we've got my friends who I have known for about 7 years, all thanks to working at EGG (I knew there was a reason I was employed there!) who I can always count on in a pinch (inlcuding one couple who cancelled their anniversary plans to help Doug and I paint our entire house to prep it for sale. *ahem* Malinda and Denise. We won't ever forget that!!).

Then there's my new friends. The ones I've known for nearly three years but never met. The internet is a wonderful, amazing thing. I am truly lucky to be a part of a group of diverse and loving, caring, knowledgeable women. I am thankful every day for this, but don't often say it- so there it is. They listen to me vent about crazy things, offer wonderful advice and are there for me in times of great tragedy.

Another of my online friends whom I have never met should also be added to this list. She is one of the most amazing, generous women I have known and I know one day I will make it to Oregon to meet her because I feel like we've always known one another. Heather, you are a beautiful person and I am honored to have such a treasured friend.

The picture in this post is of a memory quilt Heather made for me. It's so incredibly soft and beautiful. I received it on Tuesday, my due date, and I will admit to shedding a few tears when I opened it, but they were not sad tears.

Thank you Heather.

Who's in Nashville?

Amanda came to visit us and we were leaving this morning to go to Kindermusik at the same time she was leaving to go to Nashville. Natalya says, where's Amanda? I told her she was going bye-bye, that she had to go to work. Natalya said, "but where's she going to be?" I said "She's going to Nashville" She said "oh. She going to see Mamu?"

September 4, 2007, or, as it says on my calender: "Baby Due"

Today is a tough day.

If all had gone as planned, I would be hot, tired, whiny and wondering when my little one was going to make an appearance. I'd be testing out the birth pool, making sure all the supplies were together, driving my midwife crazy and stressing out over whether Doug was too far from home.

Today, Natalya started her swim classes. She had so much fun, she didn't want to leave. :) We were instructed to sit on the side of the pool next to our little ones, and then get in the water, then bring them in with us. I sat down, Natalya sat down, and she jumps in! I said, whoa there cowgirl... let's throttle back. :) She absolutely had a blast. She was using the kickboard, floating on the noodle, doing awesome at everything. The instructors couldn't believe it was her first time in a pool. One said, "She's going to be swimming by next week!" :D She certainly got Mom's water-loving genes, no doubt about it. The only thing- I didn't expect I would get a workout too! A good thing though, but man, I am beat.

I met another Mom who cloth-diapers. Her 9 month-old (adjusted) son was in Natalya's swim class. I was so happy to recognize a Fuzzi Bun! Her little boy was induced at 25 weeks because she developed HELLP syndrome. He was tiny, but didn't have any problems other than lung issues. I couldn't help but wonder if I had been induced at 30 weeks, if Margaret would be with us. Knowing the results of the pathology reports would certainly help those sorts of thoughts.

Swimming was a good distraction, but I still called the Bereavement Coordinator at the hospital to see if they had any news on the pathology and autopsy reports. We're at 9 weeks now and still nothing. I am chomping at the bit a little and REALLY want to know what they found out.

Amanda is coming for a visit, spending the night with us tonight. I am thrilled to not be here by myself today. I'm sure we would pull through, but it helps to have another adult here.

Upgrading to big girl panties

Natalya received a box of goodies from her great-grandparents a week or so ago, and in the box was a pack of big-girl panties. I washed them and they were in the basket of clean clothes. Natalya pulled them out while I was putting clothes up and put a pair on (all by herself, the right way). I explained that they were panties, not like her diaper and if she needed to go potty, she had to pull them down to go. "OK mama" she says. Fastforward about three minutes to a puddle and her saying "Mama, pee-pee on floor!". So not quite ready yet, but she's working on it!
Then Saturday evening, she brought me a pair of her training panties and asked me to help her put them on. We went through the long explanation about panties again, and how you pull them down to sit on the potty. SHe disappears off to play. About ten minutes later, she comes back with them on funny- both legs in one hole and she's hobbling to me, asking me to "fix it".
I was wondering why she had taken them off, and corrected the problem. I went upstairs to go to the bathroom myself and I realized that she had gone pee-pee in the potty, all by herself. I was ECSTATIC! I asked her if she pulled her panties down and went pee-pee in the potty all by herself and she grinned and nodded her head, "yes mama". So we did a big big-girl potty dance.
She has worn them off and on the last two days with about 40% success of pulling them down to go potty. I can't believe it!! I have a feeling it won't be too much longer that she has it all figured out.